“Nothings ever a problem for you is it!?!”
This was what my husband said to me recently when we were discussing a particular issue that was bothering him. I can’t even remember what it was, but it was something that was annoying him and he was voicing that frustration.
I really don’t think I helped with the frustration by my responses to be honest as I was seeing the situation from a perspective of positivity. In other words I was voicing the flip side of what he was seeing and experiencing and suggesting that perhaps things weren’t really as much of an issue as he thought they were.
Now don’t you hate that when someone isn’t in total agreement with you and is trying to be all happy, positive and the world is wonderful – blah blah blah. Lol, well that’s kind of what I was being like for him. For me, I was focusing on seeing only how the situation could be transformed into something good. Fortunately I have had this ability since, well, forever. I can’t remember ever being any different. Unfortunately this was just creating a bigger divide between us as we were not understanding each others perspective or even trying to get closer to the others reality.
For many of us it takes practice to see things differently, from another perspective. Consistent practice to be able to hold a focus on what is possible, and how to overcome limitations, blocks and challenges. Now don’t get me wrong, I have my fair share of negative thoughts and emotions – I am a human being after all . But what I strive to achieve is a consistent focus on the good in my life because I have discovered that the issues, the problems, the crap just doesn’t seem to be as bad. I also discovered a long time ago that I end up having a life that is much more creative, fulfilling and FUN because I see possibilities and options not limitations and dead ends.
It also works tremendously well when dealing with people as opposed to circumstances. What I mean by that is when I have a perspective of complete unconditional positive regard for someone it really helps me accept them for who they are, what they are going through and their ability to live their own lives in their own way. It stops me stepping in to “advice” mode or telling them the best way to fix their problems. ‘Cos lets face it – am I the expert of their life – NO! They are!
“We create our reality by what we choose to perceive a situation to be. If we only see the good in our lives, this is what we will create.”
Perhaps a little simplistic for some but I ask that you try this on for size – experiment with it and see what you notice. Take some time out for yourself right now and think about a situation you have that isn’t really working for you and try to come away with something positive, something good, an expanded view or perspective on it to see how you can transform it and create something different.
I have given you a few questions below that may help kickstart the process.
- How do I explain this situation to myself? What is the language I use? (ie; blame, justifying, excuses, negative and limiting)
- What was my contribution to the situation?
- What is in my control? What am I able to influence?
- How does the situation fit in with who I am – my plans / way of life / values?
- What is the opportunity / challenge?
- What is good about this? What is another perspective?
And so we can make this a two way thing, please share your thoughts and perspectives in the comments – I would love to hear them.